One of the hardest parts of being a parent to young children is sleep deprivation, night after night after night. Eventually, you just end up walking around like a zombie. It’s a cruel sort of irony how we spend our entire childhood wanting to stay up late and never go to sleep, and then spend our adult years wanting nothing more than a full night’s rest. If only we could get those years back, we’d gladly go to bed early.
Believe it or not, there IS something you can do about it!
But first, there are a few things to consider…
How Old Are They?
The age of your child has a huge impact on how well they will sleep. For example, everyone knows that newborns don’t immediately sleep through the night. (Although, it doesn’t have to take forever to get them to.) There are phases when children just tend to have a harder time sleeping and they might not all be completely obvious. A lot of kids go through a sleep regression (or have trouble sleeping) around 15-18 months. Why? Well, there are a lot of factors that we’ll discuss shortly, but it’s important to keep these things in mind.
Why Aren’t They Sleeping?
It might seem completely obvious, but when you haven’t slept and it’s 3am, it’s hard to focus on logic. Think about the WHY and you’ll be that much closer to figuring out HOW to get them to sleep. These are some of the most common reasons kids don’t sleep:
- THEY’RE NOT COMFORTABLE – Think about it. Can you sleep when you’re not comfortable? Not really. Make sure they have a safe, quiet, comfortable environment to sleep in. A place where they can let down their guard.
- THEY DON’T FEEL GOOD – One of the biggest reasons kids don’t sleep consistently is because they’re teething, they’re wet, they have growing pains, or they’re sick. It’s also one of the hardest things for parents to identify, especially if your child doesn’t talk yet. Try your best to read their body language and get to the root of the problem.
- THEY’RE SCARED – Once a child reaches around 1 1/2 – 2 years old, they can develop a fear of the dark or separation anxiety. Both of which can leave them feeling scared to sleep by themselves. This can be really difficult because fears aren’t always rational. It can be difficult to figure out how to overcome these fears in a way that will satisfy them enough to be able to seep.
- THEY’VE DEVELOPED BAD HABITS – This is where most parents get stuck with their kids not sleeping night after night. Typically, kids start having trouble sleeping because of one of the above reasons and then it becomes a habit. The trick is to get passed the reason they aren’t sleeping without letting it become a habit. And that’s what we’re going to look at next.
Establishing A Routine
I’m sure you know that kids respond well to routines, but it’s definitely worth repeating. A solid bedtime routine can conquer half the battle of getting your kids to go to sleep. Think about it. Every night, you probably have your own bedtime routine that you go through that helps you wind down. Those patterns of behavior tell your brain that you’re about to go to sleep and it makes it easier to fall asleep once you do.
Besides the typical things like brushing their teeth, and putting on pjs, here are some activities you can incorporate into your kids’ nighttime routine:
- Turn down the lights – Turning down the lights is a very easy way to signal to your body that it’s time to rest. By simulating your sleeping environment, you calm your mind and better prepare it for sleep.
- Clean up the toys -This can be a great way to not only help you clean up your house at the end of the night, but also let kids know that by putting their toys away, it’s not time to play. Getting them involved makes them feel more in control and less like you’re taking their toys away from them.
- Bedtime story – This is a pretty common bedtime habit, but I really think it depends on the child as to whether or not it will work. For example, if your child is really interested in books and likes to sit down and read 50 at a time, it may not be the best bedtime routine.
- Lullabies or soothing music – Soothing music is great for kids of any age. The calming of your voice can be exactly what an anxious toddler needs to doze off. I’ve even heard of one woman who recorded herself singing lullabies and just plays a tape for her son every night. GENIUS!
While a good bedtime routine is important, it’s equally important to realize that it’s not the “Be All, End All” solution for getting your kids to sleep on time. In fact, one of the biggest impacts on how kids behave at bedtime has to do with how their entire day went. I’ve witnessed this firsthand with my son.
A Good Day = A Good Night
So what exactly makes for a good day that will translate to a good night come bedtime. Here are a few different things to consider:
- Daily Wake/Sleep Schedule – The time my son gets up in the morning and the times he goes to sleep and wakes up from his nap is one of the biggest factors that controls how he does with bedtime. If he sleeps in just a 1/2 hour to an hour, it can throw his whole day off. Or if he naps too long, it can be impossible to get him to go to bed later on.
- Physical Activity – In case you didn’t know, kids are full of energy! (LOL) But it’s important for them to have a way of getting rid of that energy. If they sit around all day, they’ll be anxious and stir crazy come bedtime. You’ve probably noticed how easy it is to put your kids to sleep after they’ve had an exciting day at the park or doing some other activity that wore them out. If they don’t have a chance to do this, they’ll have energy for hours….
- Mom’s/Dad’s Attention – Spend time with your kids during the day, as much as you can. Be intentional about the time you’re investing with them, listen to them, and engage with them. If your kids haven’t spent much time with you or gotten much attention from you, of course they’ll just want to be with you at night.
- Don’t Let Kids Get Too Tired – Have you ever been utterly exhausted, thinking you would just pass out in your bed and then found you couldn’t sleep? This happens a lot with parents that reduce or eliminate naps in an effort to get their kids to sleep better at night time. If your kids are too tired, they will have trouble sleeping as well.
- Reduce Sugar/Caffeine In the Afternoon – You know your kids best and what works for them, but we try to avoid giving my son anything sweet within a few hours of bedtime. The sugar spike doesn’t do anything but disrupt their sleep schedule.
Trust me on this one, if you’re intentional about helping your kids have a better day, you’ll see a “night and day difference” (pun intended) with their outlook on bedtime.
How Do You Keep Them In Bed
So the idea is that if you do all of things I’ve talked about so far, getting your kids to stay in bed won’t be a problem and you can use whatever method works for you. But nevertheless, let’s review a few different methods:
- Repetition – This method involves putting them back in bed over and over and over again until they eventually stay there. It can be exhausting, but over time, your child should understand that if they get out of bed, they will just end up back in it and hopefully, they will stop getting out in the first place.
- Cry It Out – The cry it out method is usually the hardest for most parents because obviously, you don’t want your child to cry. And in my opinion, this method only works for certain kids for a certain period of time. The point is to help your children “self-soothe” or learn how to calm themselves down. For example, if your child cries more than 5-10 minutes with no sign of calming down, it may not be an effective method for you. My son actually responded really well to self-soothing. Any time he cries in bed now, he might cry/yell once or twice and then he lays down, puts his binky in (he’s still only 20 months), grabs his little stuffed animal, turns on his music and goes to sleep. The idea is that we give him tools that are comforting to him that he can do himself and put himself back to sleep. (SIDE NOTE: We recently started reserving his binky only for naptime and bedtime, and he actually get’s excited to go to bed because he knows he’ll get his binky. That worked out well!)
- Avoid Putting Them In Your Bed – Once your bed becomes an option, that’s likely the only place your kids are going to want to sleep. If it’s never an option, from the beginning, then it doesn’t become a problem. Yes, I know it’s hard when you’re exhausted and it’s just easier for you to get to sleep if you take them with you, after a few nights, it will get better.
Consistency
The most important thing to remember when trying to establish a good sleep routine for your children is to BE CONSISTENT!!! Like we talked about earlier, kids respond really well to routines. Try these tips and be consistent and you’re likely to see a major change in your kids! Remember, it does take time and effort, but when your kids gladly go to bed on their own, and YOU get more sleep, it’s extremely worth it!
Hang in there, mama! You can do it!
If you have any tips for getting your kids to sleep through the night, comment below! For other Mom Hacks, and other articles to make Mommy-hood easier, check out Healthy Moms.
hey there, great article!