Everyone who has ever taken on the adventure that is motherhood has probably thought to themselves on more than one occasion that BEING A MOM IS HARD! There’s a reason they say that it isn’t for everyone or for the faint of heart. But what pretty much every mother will tell you is that despite it all, it’s the most rewarding job you can take on. But that doesn’t mean it has to run you into the ground. Learn how to take care of yourself in the process and you can enjoy being a mom just a little bit more.
Why Do I Get So Frustrated?
If you had asked me before I started having kids whether I was a patient person, I would have probably said that I was. However, I’m also a very efficient person, so I don’t like to waste time or have my time wasted. I like to check things off my lists and move on to the next task.
Enter: children. Yes, you did just change that poopy diaper and bath and dress your baby, but guess what? Five seconds later, they have poop literally smeared up their back and into their hair and will need another bath on top of doing the laundry now.
Or you carefully monitor your child while they’re eating so they don’t make too much of a mess and turn around for one second and they dump their plate, or throw their food or hide their veggies, leaving you with a new mess to clean up. (Oh and did I mention that they just smeared their peanut butter fingers through their hair and down their shirt…more baths and laundry).
The cycle never ends. It can be easy to feel like you never get anything done. But the reality is, you did get a lot done, and done again, and done again, and done again. You completed your checklist 17 times to be exact! You’re doing the tasks without getting the satisfaction of seeing the finished product. After all, the best part of cleaning anything is how pretty it looks when it’s clean, and how it helps you relax by not having to look at a mess that you’re eventually going to have to clean up.
“They’re doing it on purpose!”
There’s a little voice in your head that actually starts to make you believe that they’re doing it on purpose. They like making messes just to watch you clean them up. They like to push your buttons because they want to make you angry. They’re just doing it to spite you.
But, in reality, childhood is about learning their independence. From holding their own silverware to dressing themselves, to cleaning up after themselves. It’s all a process that they have to learn. Sure, kids make messes just to make messes, but that’s part of being a kid. If you watch closely, you’ll probably realize that they are making messes trying to do things themselves, they just haven’t had that much practice yet.
If you stop and think about what your children are doing, and why they’re doing it, you’re much more likely to keep your cool and help them accomplish what they are trying to do. Try these tips to keep yourself from getting frustrated and enjoy motherhood just a little bit more.
1. Instead of focusing on what they’re doing, focus on what they’re trying to do.
This can be tricky, because as adults, our first reaction is just that, a reaction. We make quick judgments on everything around us as a way of understanding the world and processing information. But kids don’t always communicate exactly how they mean to. This is especially true if your child doesn’t talk yet. They may throw their messy plate on the floor getting food everywhere, but what they are trying to tell you is that they are done with their food and you weren’t paying attention. (HINT HINT, I’ve learned this one from lots of experience…)
A lot of times kids get frustrated easily too because they don’t know how to do what they want to do and if they can’t figure it out, they yell or lash out or throw a fit. If you just respond by yelling, it only escalates the situation. Try your best to calmly figure out what they are trying to do and help them.
2. Recognize that there are other factors involved.
Kids are just like adults in that they are affected by external factors that may not be obvious. For example, you know that if you don’t sleep well and are exhausted, you are likely going to be more short with people and may be grouchy and you drink a cup of coffee and try your best to get through the day. But kids can’t just drink a cappuccino and hope for the best. If they are tired or don’t feel good, they’re not as good at communicating this and it can seem like they get upset very easily or everything makes them angry.
It’s important to recognize that it’s not the activities that are upsetting them, or even how you’re interacting with them, it’s just how they are acting as a result of how they feel. Getting to the root of the problem is a great way to help them feel better and have a better day for everyone.
3. Realize that you don’t live in a perfect world.
This is probably the hardest one for me to remind myself of on a daily basis. I am a major perfectionist, with OCD and control issues. I constantly think that I can be everything for everyone and be perfect at everything. I just want to be SUPER MOM and be good at everything and have everything work out exactly how I want it to. Well, something I’ve learned very early on as that motherhood is not perfect. You and I aren’t perfect and our kids aren’t perfect. Nothing about this process is rainbows and sunshine 100% of the time.
You have to learn to embrace imperfection. Celebrate the mass chaos that is your morning, afternoon and evening. Celebrate the messes, the tantrums, and the accidents WITH the hugs and kisses, because one day you will look back on them and miss them. I HATE it when people tell me to “Enjoy this time while it lasts,” “You’ll blink and it’ll be over,” “You’ll miss this someday.” I know their intentions, but that doesn’t make it any easier to hear when you’re mid-freak out in the middle of Walmart.
I know I’ll miss these days, I know I’m supposed to cherish every minute of motherhood, but I’m just an average person. Yes, I do feel the need to get away from my kids at times. Yes, I do just want to get out of the house and have some adult conversation. Guess what, IT’S NORMAL!!!
Someone recently told me something that really hit home.
-You can’t have a six-figure business, and have six-pack abs, and travel the world, and be an amazing mom.-
You’re only one person, you can’t do it all. As much as you may want to, IT’S NOT POSSIBLE! Go ahead, try your best, but don’t get frustrated when you can’t. Know you’re not alone and you’re still just as amazing.
Take time to do things for yourself. Just because you’re a mom, doesn’t mean you can’t be yourself anymore. Find a way to incorporate your favorite things into your daily routine and make time for yourself and you’ll create a much more manageable life balance.
If you have any tips on how you keep your cool as a mom, be sure to comment below!
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