With today’s society so focused on the latest technology, people are more addicted than ever to their phones, tablets and other devices. The problem with this is that things like face-to-face communication are being hampered and when you have young kids, who are just learning how to communicate, this is a major problem!
No, I’m not saying that all technology is bad. I love technology! It allows me to do tons of things everyday from work to entertainment that I wouldn’t be able to do otherwise, but it is important to find a good balance, and teach your kids to do the same.
Are You Teaching Your Kids To Be Addicted To Technology?
One of the biggest issues with being on your phone or other devices around your children is that they see you on your phone constantly. Have you ever wondered why kids are drawn to these devices? It’s because they see you on them and they automatically think that it’s something they want.
Yes devices have bright lights and buttons that do things, but they wouldn’t be attracted to them in the first place unless they saw you on them. They’re thinking that if you spend so much time on it, it much be something great and worth at least checking out. Good or bad, you’re providing an example for how they should interact with technology.
Your Time = Your Priority
You may have heard the saying that your time equals your priority or that your kids spell “I love you” as T-I-M-E. In other words, you spend your time each day on the things you consider the most important, and when it comes to your kids, they feel your love most when you just spend time with them, regardless of what you’re doing.
If you’re constantly on your phone or tablet, you’re inadvertently telling your kids that whatever you’re looking at is more important than they are. Of course you don’t really feel this way or want your kids to think this, but that’s how they perceive it.
I recently read an article by a mom of twin boys who did an experiment. While her kids were playing, instead of being on her phone as she normally would, she just sat in the corner and counted how many times each boy looked up at her. Whether it was to see her reaction or to see if whatever they were doing was allowed or not, she kept track with each child and was shocked at the number of times they just looked at her, even while playing by themselves.
She went on to say that she wondered if she had been on her phone for those tons of times her sons were looking at her, would they think that she didn’t care? Would they think that their accomplishments weren’t important? Would they think that she didn’t love them?
If you’re a mom and that doesn’t hit you in the heart strings, I don’t know what will! We all know what it feels like when someone’s not listening to you or ignoring you and every time you prioritize your devices over your children, they feel the same way. Over time, simply telling them you love them may not be enough. You have to show them you love them with your actions and that can be as simple as looking up from your devices.
They Will Tell You They Want Your Attention
In case you don’t know, kids will tell you when they want your attention…she says sarcastically. Many people mistake this behavior for misbehaving and then end up punishing their children. But if you don’t look at the root of the issue, you’re bound to repeat it. For example, if your child is screaming at you or getting into something they shouldn’t be because they’re trying to get you to react to them, and then you put them on time out in a chair by themselves, they’ll only continue to do things they aren’t supposed to do to get your attention.
My son is notorious for doing this. As much as I try to balance my time on technology and my time being mommy, I do work from home and there are times when my son does have to wait for my attention. Yes, it teaches him patience, but when you make them wait too long or wait all the time, they begin to act out to get your attention. My son will intentionally go through a list of things he is not allowed to do to make me react to him and as soon as I take a few minutes to read him a book or play with him, he stops acting out.
Interestingly enough, kids also know when too much technology becomes a problem.
For example, my niece had a habit of telling family members to “Look Up” when she wanted their attention and they were engulfed in their devices. Or with my 18-month-old, if you are looking at your phone, he usually comes over and looks at whatever you’re looking at and then puts his face right up to yours, in front of your device to let you know that he wants your attention.
How to Keep The Balance
After reading this, I don’t want you to think that if you have a phone or tablet, you’re child will think you don’t love them. That’s not my intention at all! It’s also not realistic to not be connected to technology in today’s world. But there is a way to balance modern technology and spending time with your kids.
If You Can Put It Down, Do It
If you’re doing something on your phone, like playing a game or looking at Facebook, and your child wants your attention, put it down. Often, if you just give them 15 minutes of undivided attention, they will get distracted by their toys and you can go back to whatever it is you were doing. But don’t get so engrossed in it that you don’t notice if they look up at your for a reaction or response.
Schedule Time To Get Things Done
Because I work from home, there are times when I need to be on my computer and undivided attention to work is important to get things done. If I know that my 18-month-old is going to nap at 1pm, then I can spend time playing with him in the morning and still get some work done while he naps.
Or if you really need undivided attention, send your kids with grandma for the day. Give them time to get out of the house so you can get work done but they are still getting attention and interaction.
I also find it very effective to get up early and get stuff done before anyone is up in the morning. The same thing goes for when they go to bed at night. Maximize your time and be efficient with the time you do have and you can get lots of things done.
If you get your children into a routine, you can also make time for yourself to get stuff done. For example, if your kids are used to eating breakfast and then having some quiet play time while you work, they learn that if they stick to the routine, you’ll play with them in a little bit. That reassurance helps them be patient for your attention.
Take Advantage of Surprise Opportunities
This one is a little tricky to work into your day and is never consistent, but if you can multitask mentally and always be thinking of opportunities where you can get stuff done, then do it! For example, right now I am sitting at our kitchen table writing this post next to my son while he’s eating breakfast. I am close by to supervise and make sure he’s ok, but he’s a fairly independent eater and I can get a lot done while he’s eating.
This can also happen when you’re playing. If your child gets distracted by toys you may have 15 or 20 minutes where you can get some work done. But pay attention to when this time is over. You can’t get frustrated because they won’t let you work because it was an opportunity you weren’t planning to have anyway.
When you take the time to pay attention to your kids and put down your technology, you’ll find that you enjoy being a parent even more. After all, they really do grow up so fast and if you spend your time stuck in a screen instead of enjoying every minute, you may find that you miss these days and regret not cherishing them more when they’re all grown up.
For more tips on getting stuff done when you’re home with kids, check out How To Get Stuff Done When You’re Home With Kids.